musekbox | GOD!Hope

GOD!Hope

Yeul was settled with Caius, her eternity was of guilt and love having lived many lives and refusing to be alone all the same. Yeul was the source of the Great Chaos that destroyed the world, there would be nothing left if she continued and lost her control. That control was only there because Caius existed and to remove her from that was to leave her without a person who could exist forever.

The shadows of her former selves roamed the halls of Etro's castle until this day, the time where she was existing was up; she must atone for her sin against the world. Yeul felt a tugging and she suddenly reached for Chaos, her Chaos surrounding him as she was unable to touch him as she could in life. They were each other's obsession.

The silver-haired maiden was suddenly yanked from her castle, her body appearing on a starry background and unstable ground as it appeared when she needed them. For the first time, Yeul could stand on a pair of real legs, she remembered the agony of her limp and looked around for a way to exit but she only saw a platform far ahead of her. In silence, she made her way up as her steps were positioned on platforms as they appeared until she saw Hope. She tilted her head to the right, she was not sure if this was something she was dreaming.

"Where is this place?" Yeul said, softly and listlessly.

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The touch was unexpected; startling. He couldn't help tensing at the action that he (neither the man-turned-boy nor god) had been unable to predict. There was a rolling turmoil behind his eyes, spiteful and hissing at what it took to be a blatant rejection. And how dare she reject the help of God; how dare she demand such spectacle from Him, the all-powerful! He should never have extended His help, not when the mere sight of her was repulsive to Him. Humanity was a blight to the world he created, nothing more than sacrificial lambs to be offered up in face of His goals. To think that she would defy the divine was laughable.

Yet there was still a part of Hope left confused by the actions, by the words she spoke. Confused by the pressure, the warmth, and the strange scent of her hair which was starkly contrasted with the sterile expanse around them. Of course he was there. He was the one speaking with her, echoing the words of a god whose efforts were turned elsewhere, to things of greater importance than a conversation between two humans.

(Except she was right, so very right and he railed against the prison of his own body -- she was the first person to see because that wasn't him, because Hope wouldn't have given in to the whims of God, no matter how great. Those actions weren't his own and he just wanted -- he wanted --)

"Logic dictates our arrangement as a scenario where both of us attain what we want." And he still didn't know what to do, a familiar awkwardness stemmed from centuries of isolation and before that, years where he brushed off human contact as nothing but distractions from his goal. There was an aborted attempt at comfort -- a mere twitch of his hands, a childhood reflex to hug back, before he forced tense muscles to unwind.

There was anger and violence in his veins, but that was easily ignored. There was no reason for it. He still didn't understand what she meant, and while the one watching behind his eyes was getting impatient, growing more malicious by the second, Hope had more patience than that.

Or perhaps it was just her actions which startled him from the grand plan he must have prepared.

Yeul kept her hands on the back of his jacket and clutched him tightly. She knew that Hope or whoever she was grasping onto could not handle the filth of her, the Chaos that loomed in her very presence. She refused to release him; Yeul thought he would perish if she let him go. The silence in her just increased; she closed her eyes, listened to his heart to know that he was still real.

"What if your fusing makes things worse? What if you save nothing and destroy everything as I am now?" Yeul released her hands, slowly lowering her arms in disgust with herself. She thought if he could remember human companionship, he could remember what he was before what happened to him. Yeul moved her hands to his hands and grasped his covered wrists, pulling them up and turning his hands over.

"Have you forgotten human companionship, Hope?" She raised her eyes and looked directly at his own. When she couldn't continue, she lowered her hands. She did not like the feelings and energy that came off of him, it was almost exhausting, burning in sensation.

"That is --"

It was difficult, and he swallowed, a physical action merely reflex now seeing as it wasn't necessary for him any more. But the warmth was confusing. Distracting. Worrying, even. What did she mean?

"That is a risk for you to take. You can either choose my help or... stay as you are."

But that wasn't right. Was it? (Of course it was.) He didn't understand why she would wander so close. It was dizzying (nauseating?) and turned his words to ash in his mouth. For a moment, Hope remembered his curiosity about the Seeress of Paddra, remembered back when he had imagined the title to be one given to a series of leaders before further conversation with Noel (and wasn't he a tough nut to crack when it came to information) had revealed the title to only have been given to one: one girl. Again and again.

The same one in front of him, here and now.

He remembered wanting her help; the underlying insistence that he wasn't getting the full picture. Hope had never liked being left in the dark. Knowledge was a weapon he wielded expertly in place of metal or magic. His memories of wanting to know, wanting to understand, had led to her arrival. It may not have been his power (but was it?) which brought her, but it was his insistence.

But why? Human companionship? No, that was too strange a concept. It had been well over a century since he had stood with another individual, and longer still since he managed to connect with anyone. Of course he had forgotten it. There was nothing truly there for him to remember.

The thoughts were a distraction, one that irritated the presence in his head. He should be bargaining, should be securing a thread of the intricately woven web that God was casting, rather than thinking thoughts like this.

"I--" and he faltered, fingers curling over his palms as he stared down at his hands blankly, the residual warmth of her hands like fire on his wrist, bringing in a stark realization that there existed more than this cold, cold place.

For just a few moments, he didn't know what to say.

Edited 2014-05-10 00:47 (UTC)

The two were drastically different, not even cut from the same tree. Yeul was the lifeblood of the planet, she smelled of wild fruits, sunny days and cool evenings on a wild frontier. Hope reminded her of a desolate, divine and sterile place where nothing lived and nothing grew. Yeul raised her eyes and tilted her head to Hope.

"Your hands, they are no longer made of the strength of man, but by gods." Yeul held onto his wrist, pulling her fingers into his glove and slowly pulled it off to reveal his hand. She easily rested her hand on top of his actual palm, she turned towards where she could see her world from afar in God's domain.

"Do you chaos swallowing the world, corroding it? This is because of me and I am an enigma. I do not know if my fusing all together, all at once will have effects on the worlds that cannot be undone. What if you were to destroy it? --You know I wish my guardian." Yeul pointed towards the world at a distance that they could see it clearly rotating.

At the mention of gods, there was a surge or calm that spread through him like numbness to sweep away his hesitation and uncertainty. This was all in the hands of gods now, after all, and Hope had very little to do with the outcome any more. The God of Light would decide, the calm informed him. Of course she was correct; Hope did not quite remember his time with people now, and that was just as well. Less to interfere with the plans for the future, to help save the world. He didn't need the strength of men who fumbled for hundreds of years, especially as humanity slowly died off. Over three hundred years into the chaos, and mankind would soon be extinct no matter how hard they fought against mortality. Despite the lack of ageing, death still occurred. Illness, accidents, and trauma wore away at both a human body and soul -- he had seen it happen far too often, with far too many people whose faces he could barely recall now.

His goal was to save humanity, and onto this Hope knew his path was true. The means, the plan... the rest of that was a little... fuzzy. It didn't quite belong to him.

He let her do as she wished, listening intently.

"So you would allow him the fate of the world once more?" He asked, voice calm. There was nothing to be felt about what happened in the past. Instead, Hope tilted his head slightly in question. "You know of your involvement in the chaos, and allow him reign over the fate of the human race. How heavy is the weight of your decisions, Paddra Nsu-Yeul? God has the power to recreate the world, but unless He understands this enigma, then the same thing may once again happen."

He dipped his head in acknowledgement to her words, ignoring the tiny nagging in the back of his mind that perhaps he should have grasped onto her words and warmth.

"He is not powerless. He is the Maker, the Creator of worlds. Caius Ballard was once allowed the fate of the human race, and now the world lies in ruins and the balance of life and death upturned. He does not have the strength to decide for the fate of all humanity."

Hope paused, letting the weight of his words sink in.

"Do you?"

After all, she was not the original harbinger of the Unseen Chaos, but she was the eventual successor. Yeul's relationship with Etro was quite close as was her resemblance to Bhunivelze's mother; Mywnn. Yeul was a barely a human at all when one thought of it; she resembled a goddess, she was the model of humanity without the ability to disappear like the others. Yeul's position was almost like an undying Fal'Cie due to her having a specific purpose, a specific set standard of importance.

While she was turned watching Pulse's rotation, she heard the sound of Hope's voice ring in her ears. Yeul knew if he fixed this paradox that it could back fire, she knew that it was a delicate process. Even though she held onto his wrist, she turned to look at her own small hand beside him that was tainted in her sins against Pulse. She was self-sacrificing and all she needed was for someone to tell her that she needed to die to keep everyone safe, which that included Caius Ballad.

Yeul feared being alone more than the world's destruction, the solitude of confinement without the wild breezes or the gentle touch of Caius' hand. The thought was the first time that she started to show actual expression of sadness mixed with a certain level of fear. "He does not, but I do."

Yeul implied that she would be willing to give whatever she had for a world that did not love her, one where the one who did was apathetic in his curse. If she were to disappear to the Unseen Realm again, that place would be where she would be forevermore as Yeul could not be erased completely. Yeul was despondent in her feelings, but even she couldn't explain herself to him but she had to say something.

"I do not want to be alone...." Yeul's bright green hues focused on Hope's face as she said exactly how she felt for once.

The cursed existence she was dealt, the paradox she'd became and her resolution to rebirth herself until there were no humans remaining that could birth her.

It was the authenticity behind the last words that had Hope smiling again, a little warmer this time than before, a little more human and a little more himself. Loneliness was a subject he was well versed in, from both experience and teaching.

"No one is truly alone." He said, feeling just a little bit like his old self again, remembering a time when he regularly reached out to people to reassure and encourage. "Even when you're left with no one else, so long as there are memories of others to guide you, you won't be alone. That's not something which can happen to a person who understands what loneliness means."

Because those who were truly lonely would never understand their plight, and Hope believed that. Loneliness was a state of mind, of understanding what it felt like to be loved and then have lost that warm feeling.

He had spend well over a century by himself here in the isolation of the divine, although he could not quite recall why (the thought merely floated by and then disappeared; his questions unanswered due to an inability to ask them in the first place).

"You're not alone now." He told her gently, fingers reaching towards hers as well in a gesture that felt both familiar and not. Hope had once been the type to reach out, to cling, but that had been long ago; long before he had grown up. But then again... he wasn't grown up right now, was he? "The decision you make now will influence everyone -- will be the turning point in your own life, but there is no such thing as a sure guarantee for success. All we have is a higher power to guide us, the thought of others to support us, and the belief that what we are doing is right."

That had to be enough. Hope had once made that enough.

He looked up at the rotating planet as well, expression unreadable. While Yeul had Caius to guide her, Hope made do with his memories to support him. Here, there was something more than memories. Here, there was power of a sort he could barely comprehend. The power to finally solve this puzzle which thwarted him for over four hundred years.

"With just that, we can do even the most impossible of things."

When he said that no one was truly alone, she raised her eyes towards Hope and shook her head a little. "No, Hope. You know that I am truly alone, you know that I am a failed production of Etro and Lindzei. The only person with productive, true memories of me is my guardian -- the others who knew me only knew of who I am." Caius was her ability to reason and if her sacrifices were proper and not in vane as she tended to be foolhardy with her life.

The girl lowered her eyes, she was receptive to be touched because it tended to remind her that she was still a person to an extent unlike the others. There was no Caius to tell her that she would not throw her life away yet, that she should not be erased from the world to save it. Even if she was of a mind spanning thousands of years, she was a mind of a young girl within all of that and she made terrible choices sometimes due to her innocence. Yeul sometimes knew what was important and what wasn't, but Hope was confusing her.

"...What if it causes another paradox...?" Yeul said gently, starting to wane on whether she should say something or not to him. The girl's heart started to beat in fear because she felt like she was in danger.

"Then there will be a paradox to be fixed." He said. "Would it help to continue on like this? There is danger in every action we take, some more than others for each person, yet to ensure a future, change must occur. To not take risks may mean we continue in safety, but then problems would never be solved."

He pushed back the spark of irritation, so separate from him, which flashed with the mention of Etro. That feeling lingered, waited, and Hope understood that the only appeasement would be to get the information he needed. What it was, he remained uncertain of.

Instead, he softened his tone and gentled his words. His gaze dropped to their hands. "...There is a type of loneliness in not being able to influence the world around you. To being surrounded and yet so far apart. To not be seen and not be found. That is one that does not go away no matter who you surround yourself with, so long as you're powerless to change anything."

There, he raised his eyes to meet hers, certain of his own words even as he ignored the presence in his mind. "We have a chance to create this change. Even if we make things worse, we would have a chance to put things better. What we know is limited, but the more knowledge accumulated means the less chance for things to go wrong. And I--" because it was I this time; not God and not any other cosmic power, but the Hope who wanted to ensure a future for everyone, "I need your help."

Yeul was so deeply sensitive, her heart would bleed just as Etro's did for humanity and it was doing that now. The pounding of her heart was feverish and unsettled, even as she stood there knowing the correct decision. The right way was to allow Bhunivelze to cleanse her, to remove the Unseen Chaos from the realm and force those former souls to cling onto one stem. Yeul feared that she would be forced into the Unseen Realm in complete isolation, causing more of an obsession to leave or use her powers should she be unable to go to the humans.

After all, she was neither truly human nor divine.

"My loneliness stems from being a mold and reminder of what humanity is and ever was, remembering the history and being a extinct species without real death or finality." Yeul said directly as she was now in a very precarious position with Hope. After all, she might be the oldest human in all existence, but she was never allowed to gain experience through age and death. The longest she remained away from Caius' own reprimanding of her own worth, the easier it would be to convince her of things.

Hope was gentle, just as she remembered and she tried to smile for him but it quickly faded. "I am one of many, and unable to speak for all but I am certain they could feel the same. I want to fix the paradox, but that is only possible by making me whole or making me divine." If Hope had called forth all of the Yeuls, he would have never been able to come to a conclusion due to how many agreed and disagreed.

"I am frightened." Yeul said, she stared directly at Hope for longer than a moment before turning her eyes down

"Fear means you understand." Understand that there was always the large chance of things going wrong. Of them messing up, divine influence or not. "Most fear the unknown, and your decision here will lead to a change none can predict. Not even God. There is no one who lives entirely without fear, because fear keeps them alive. It is a response that protects you."

Hope smiled, softening his words. "I don't know what will happen. But I'm glad you're here. Perhaps fear is more easily overcome with someone else there."

(His words are sincere, and it was for that sincerity that the presence behind his eyes rejoiced and cringed at the same time. It did not need others, did not need the support of what it considered abhorrent, yet by itself there was no chance at getting close that that Chaos.)

"Whether you are made whole or divine will be up to God's power." There was a nagging sensation that wanted him to tell her she wouldn't want to be divine: the divine lived and died lonely, perhaps lonelier than humans. Hope could not recall a single case (with knowledge he shouldn't know) where a divine being had the companionship that humans strived for. You may not like what you end up as, he almost wanted to say, but the words didn't make it far enough to slip past his smile.

"Let God do the work humans can not. Let Him take command."

Let him take command.

Yeul ran that over in her head multiple times, she did not know the outcome of being a fixed paradox. The idea of things getting worse was a large possibility, but she had no other input and no way to find someone else she knew to ask their opinion in case they had one. Yeul felt extremely uncomfortable without Caius, but she moved herself forward and closed her eyes as a way to give him silent permission for whatever he was going to do.

She had never felt fear of the unknown until now, mostly because God's will was never known directly by Etro. The small, silver-haired maiden slowly opened her arms and slipped them underneath Hope's arms and rested her cheek against his chest.

"Please, I do not want to be alone..." She muttered as softly as possible, releasing her true fear to Hope.

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GOD!Hope

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